目前日期文章:201211 (3)

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It's like there's nothing good whenever i update my blog here. 

For those of you who don't know, i went for my violin exam during lunch time. 

most unprepared violin exam i'd say. as you people know, im in med school, so basically is freaking hard for me to squeeze my time out for violin practice. i have to rush home for violin practice and classes. and of because of these reasons, a conclusion of the exam will be, say goodbye to the my beloved friend - distinction. 

no more perfect mark in aural (very unprepared), the examiner, first of all, to me, she's trying so hard to help me, and i'd happily say perhaps im the only one who she dont need to repeat her sentence over and over again like those previous candidates who were small lil kids. I can see that she's trying very hard to smile, she's trying very hard to give me a friendly impression so that i wont be nervous. but nahhhh, her first impression freaked me out. she came out with some freaking serious face (as you know, all old people have face problem because they dont have such firm skin as we do, theirs are all sagging. especially when they dont smile, it looked fking strict)

TOO BAD. i dont have that kind of control. i mean, we all have nerves during exam (more or less, at least a bit)

the thing was, i was so sleepy. i somehow feel sleepy whenever im nervous. or i even feel like puking or shit. lol. 

well, at least one thing i did very good was ignoring the mistakes i made. at least i dint went more nervous once i made mistake. i was like f*ck this shit and continued. out of 3 freaking songs. i was lost in the middle of 2 songs. *facepalm* guess i was too sleepy. scales, i totally forgot how i did frankly speaking. not to say very good, as usual, intonation here and there. @.@ 3rds was worst i'd say. choked like mad at the high parts. gawsh.

pieces, 1st piece started not bad, nicely i'd say. and thennnnnnnn, when it went high and descend, MY GOODNESS, HORRIBLE, i was lost. how on the earth is that possible???? but nevermind, it ended not bad. then 2nd song, starting ornaments wasnt obvious, kinda missed it. -.- nevermind, then when we proceeded to the important part, fking choked, and same place at the recap, I CHOKED AGN! HOW CAN I CHOKE FOR TWO FREAKING TIMES? -_____- that wasnt the worst part, when we ended, she told my accompanist 'can you please dont play too loud till you drown the violinist? afterall it's her exam' im like WTFFFFFFF

i was quite stressed since then, expressions for the 3rd songs were kinda flat then. and i was lost again in this piece -.- seriously? lost for 2 times??? but AT LEAST, it ended okay to me. not to say very good. but it was just okay. 

urgh. and there comes sight reading, as usual, i dont know what was i playing. (the same thing happened every year for my violin exam) but this is grd 8, hoping she's good enough to pass my sight reading. *finger crossed*

aural, i dont know what was happening, was just babbling abt the dynamics, when she asked for texture i was like 'f*ck idk how to describe' and was acting cute as if im thinking but nothing comes into my mind when the answers were so easy. -.- *screams*

and there goes my distinction. far far away from me. 
hope she'll at least pass me. i'll be very very thankful even if i get merit. *pray hard* 


m213 發表在 痞客邦 PIXNET 留言(0) 人氣()

 It was never right to judge others' reflection, since the beginning. 

Who are you to judge other's feeling when you dint went through the exact situation as them?
Who are you to judge others when you weren't there the whole time to witness what happened? 

It was never fair. 
And it's getting too much. All we need to do is pretend to reflect ourselve, and please you people to get good grades. Since when a reflection is to get grades? 

Well, these are still not the thing that i find ridiculous. But limit the words we used in our own reflection? nonsense! It's always the feelings beats a million words. It's the feeling counts! So why not let us expressing ourselve in whatever way we want? 

You all started with all these reflective writing and you guys try to control us with word limit to buy yourself a better time to get rid of these shit. On the other hand, you people torture us with those long unwieldly braggy journals.  

To you all, it doesnt matter, as well as we get to improve with all those so called suggestions you all gave which are nothing but vague statements. Come to think about it, so what if we follow the suggestions you all gave? Will we get grades we want? In the end, it is still all about the grades in the university! So what if we follow whatever you suggested but we FAILED to entertain you all with our 'interesting' writing? We are here to get training to be a doctor, not a writer -.-

You all told us to improve our English, which is a way of telling us that our english are BAD. But do you all actually remember which paper you marked? Who are they who wrote their feelings down, who are those who spent time, sitting down and editting their work just to please you but unfortunately failed? Do you even remember their work until then when you saw those familiar names, with an improvement, you'll give them a comment at least, improvement noted? You probably won't. Because all of you are drowned by those files and files of patient, and files and files of students' nonsense 'reflective'.

Why won't you all be fair to us, a little bit, at least? We weren't asking much. 



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m213 發表在 痞客邦 PIXNET 留言(0) 人氣()

Imagine, the moment before you open your eyes, all you heard was someone shouting your name at the door, loudly, till the whole street hears, and it's not your fault to wake up in time coz the phone alarm won't ring when you did set it last night. 

 

How would you feel? 

All she did to you was shouting and shouting, because she was so worked up, her staff fell sick again after recovering past few days. And she kept putting the blame on you, just to release her stress on her shoulders. It's just a way for her to relief her stress in her. All she always do are telling who's right who's wrong. Her favourite part will be stating 'it's (somebody's) fault.!!' She just loves to do that. 

 

If you ever saw this post, I feel sorry for you to take me as your punching bag. I suck at it. I fought back. I fought back because you  ruined my morning. I apologized right after i came down running to the toilet. You probably didnt heard, because you were so blinded by your anger. 

By the way, this post is not to apologize to you, coz i won't. Of all the things, I HATE people shouting me, scolding me, accusing me in the morning the most. I know you had it all the time and you let it be. But I'm not you, I won't let it be. So I fought back, coz you crossed the line. I cried, because I was so angry. It took me quit sometime to stop the tears. Do you know how hard was it to stop those tears? 

 

Did you notice this is the first time in my life i hung up so rudely to you? If you do, and just in case u're wondering, I was damn pissed at the moment. Please bare in mind, you were shouting to me over the phone. it was 15 minutes passed, and you still haven't get over it. Plus all the messages you sent, it was over my limit. I'm an accusing intolerant person. Perhaps knowing me for so many years, you didn't discover this part of me. 

You have your ego in you. Especially these years, when you're in your perimenopause, perhaps I'll learn more the hormonal changes in your stage. 
You think that you know each and all of us so well, because your nieces talk to you alot. But not for me, I'm too complicated for you to understand. Perhaps, it seems I know you more than you know me. It's like I always can predict what are your responses. 

 

Now you won't talk to me. But seriously, I dont care that much like last time. I know u're waiting for my apology, but no. I admit my rudeness, but you being the one who triggered this to happen, and spreading bad comments around about me, and for the shoutings that ruined the start of my day, no, no apologies from me. 


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