if u wanted it so desperately, u'd do anything just to motivate yourself to get those crap done. 

its about how u're motivated and how long you can stand it. 

basically, im not a person who's 1ce motivated, or set a target, i'll defenitely achieve it. i'm not. i'm those who give up easily. so, everything of that i'd achieved, it's the timing that made me achieve it. 

but somethings, sometimes, just don't go as what u wanted SO MUCH! its like, u tried harder, harder, and harder. and u thought that u'll actually kinda close to it. but, NO! u're actually so darn far away frm what u wanted. and then, you'd thought that, nevermind, i'll work harder. but, at one point, you work hard till u're no longer motivated, u're sick of that particular thing. it's like, owh, you again? urgh. but nevermind, u're mind are still strong enough to make you force yourself into it, giving the so called fake 'enjoying' expressions. and then, ur energy wearing out, day by day, the muscles doesn't even want to coordinate with ur brain. eventually, u're so fed up, starting to give up, and think that no matter how hard you tried, it's still not u wanted. at last, u're like 'owh screw it!' *throw your things aside* and you gave up. 

had you ever experience that??? owh and! the MOST IMPORTANT THING IS! u actually regretted when everything ended. IT'S SO HUMILIATING!

and yeah. in my case, i think im over practicing. i'd lost the motivation. im totally SICK of it. but i want it to be better, or i should say perfect... yes. perfect. I DONT WANT MYSELF TO REGRET! DAYUM! because, that's what i should get! 

maybe, some of u will think that i'm a kiasu bitch. yes. I AM! I ADMIT IT! I dont mind losing, BUT I HATE BEING LOOK DOWN BY PEOPLE! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT! its enough that i'm being look down by people! i wanna make them as if their jaws drop hardly on the floor and crushed into powders as if some elephant or dinosaurs stepped on it.  u get what i meant? u know how desperate i am for that???? i guess only those who been through this before will understand how i feel. 


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