i dont write perfect english nor perfect chinese like other people here in IMU. but somehow, i still choose to write. 

im not sure if this is what making continue writing. 

you see, the thing is, my english sucked from the start, and now? not much improvement i'd say. if i dont make me myself to at least use the words i have in me, i know that clearly, the day that i speak typical-chinese-english is near. which is what i dont want it to happen. 

i need to at least use this to voice out what i am feeling at every moment i feel like writing! 
there are times where there are so much feelings in me and i wanna write, but there is just something in me, making me cant piece it together at those moments and when those moments are over, i dont feel like writing anymore. 

it was perhaps the incident made me this way back in form4. and i swear that was the worse thing ever happened. we were young. i wont say we were childish, well, at least i was, and i still am. she was my best friend. and i dont care how she turned around and bitched about me that time. i really dont care till now as long as i am the only person you btiched about, not my family. and they were so smart, they involve my family and all. i know, i was the most annoying person that time. i was arrogant, i was a total bitch (still am), most importantly, i was a faker. till then, they taught me this lessons. choose your close friend wisely. talk when you need to and stfu when u are required to. 

speaking of this incident, it just reminded how dramatic my high school life was when the moment i think it was boring. 
i'd done lots of things back stabbing was a must in my high school, everyone back stab each other. and after some time, they found out, then they're not friends anymore for a period, then 1 party feels their life is so boring without the other party, then they apologized, then they are friends again, good for a period, back stab starts again, and the cycle goes on and on and on. besides back stab, boycotting is also a MUST back in MY high school. just because one people dont like the other, then the whole class must avoid her, dont talk to her, bully her. well, we all know the fact that she's really annoying and irritating, we all love to bully her, we enjoyed so much, she never had a day with a true friend back in high school. 

anyways, i am off topic. there is just so much to talk about high school and i can never stop talking about it. and you know what, i hate my high school life, A LOT! too dramatic. too much politics. which is what i really hate. 

instead, CAL life was really hectic (not as now though), but it was so peaceful, i have awesome people around me. matured. :D

and whenever i blog i have to filter things i feel like saying sometimes, JUST IN CASE some people whom stamina aint got good enough to withstand the direct-ness of my fact. i hate it. it's just so not me. and in case if u dont know, im more of a direct person because im not good in languages, twisting and turning the words, using the 'synonyms' to replace some awful/inappropriate word i feel of the moment. 

sometimes, some people just cant leave you alone to do things you like, they roll you into the wave they created and roll you in the deep, make your life miserable. then, when you finally got out of it, people run away from you because u are soaking wet, looking horrible, and you smell like those stinky sand after you swim at the seaside of PD.

this world is plainly realistic.
and some people just cant accept the weakness of whom, they chosen as their friends.
too sellfish to do that. 

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