♪♫ ~*Mi¢hεl£ε•τoo~*♪♫

 It was never right to judge others' reflection, since the beginning. 

Who are you to judge other's feeling when you dint went through the exact situation as them?
Who are you to judge others when you weren't there the whole time to witness what happened? 

It was never fair. 
And it's getting too much. All we need to do is pretend to reflect ourselve, and please you people to get good grades. Since when a reflection is to get grades? 

Well, these are still not the thing that i find ridiculous. But limit the words we used in our own reflection? nonsense! It's always the feelings beats a million words. It's the feeling counts! So why not let us expressing ourselve in whatever way we want? 

You all started with all these reflective writing and you guys try to control us with word limit to buy yourself a better time to get rid of these shit. On the other hand, you people torture us with those long unwieldly braggy journals.  

To you all, it doesnt matter, as well as we get to improve with all those so called suggestions you all gave which are nothing but vague statements. Come to think about it, so what if we follow the suggestions you all gave? Will we get grades we want? In the end, it is still all about the grades in the university! So what if we follow whatever you suggested but we FAILED to entertain you all with our 'interesting' writing? We are here to get training to be a doctor, not a writer -.-

You all told us to improve our English, which is a way of telling us that our english are BAD. But do you all actually remember which paper you marked? Who are they who wrote their feelings down, who are those who spent time, sitting down and editting their work just to please you but unfortunately failed? Do you even remember their work until then when you saw those familiar names, with an improvement, you'll give them a comment at least, improvement noted? You probably won't. Because all of you are drowned by those files and files of patient, and files and files of students' nonsense 'reflective'.

Why won't you all be fair to us, a little bit, at least? We weren't asking much. 

Imagine, the moment before you open your eyes, all you heard was someone shouting your name at the door, loudly, till the whole street hears, and it's not your fault to wake up in time coz the phone alarm won't ring when you did set it last night. 

How would you feel? 

All she did to you was shouting and shouting, because she was so worked up, her staff fell sick again after recovering past few days. And she kept putting the blame on you, just to release her stress on her shoulders. It's just a way for her to relief her stress in her. All she always do are telling who's right who's wrong. Her favourite part will be stating 'it's (somebody's) fault.!!' She just loves to do that. 

If you ever saw this post, I feel sorry for you to take me as your punching bag. I suck at it. I fought back. I fought back because you  ruined my morning. I apologized right after i came down running to the toilet. You probably didnt heard, because you were so blinded by your anger. 

By the way, this post is not to apologize to you, coz i won't. Of all the things, I HATE people shouting me, scolding me, accusing me in the morning the most. I know you had it all the time and you let it be. But I'm not you, I won't let it be. So I fought back, coz you crossed the line. I cried, because I was so angry. It took me quit sometime to stop the tears. Do you know how hard was it to stop those tears? 

Did you notice this is the first time in my life i hung up so rudely to you? If you do, and just in case u're wondering, I was damn pissed at the moment. Please bare in mind, you were shouting to me over the phone. it was 15 minutes passed, and you still haven't get over it. Plus all the messages you sent, it was over my limit. I'm an accusing intolerant person. Perhaps knowing me for so many years, you didn't discover this part of me. 

You have your ego in you. Especially these years, when you're in your perimenopause, perhaps I'll learn more the hormonal changes in your stage. 
You think that you know each and all of us so well, because your nieces talk to you alot. But not for me, I'm too complicated for you to understand. Perhaps, it seems I know you more than you know me. It's like I always can predict what are your responses. 

Now you won't talk to me. But seriously, I dont care that much like last time. I know u're waiting for my apology, but no. I admit my rudeness, but you being the one who triggered this to happen, and spreading bad comments around about me, and for the shoutings that ruined the start of my day, no, no apologies from me. 

Well, people must have moments where they are rude in their lifetime. Nobody's perfect. 

I dont mind you being sarcastic all the time. I really dont mind. I can take sarcasm. In fact, my tolerance towards sarcasm is quite high I'd say. But when it comes to rude behaviour, my tolerance is really low. Again, everyone must have moments they behave rudely. I dont care. As long as you dont cross my line. Because I am rude sometimes, I am rude sometimes to my close friends, I am rude to my family (most of the time). Why? because they are close to me. They accept me for who I am. So, I feel safe to be rude to them, once in a while. 

But YOU! Your sarcasm doesnt affect me much. Same words, coming out from different mouth, different tone, it makes A WHOLE LOT OF DIFFERENCE! The way you said it was so rude, with that facial expression and you think it's funny. Perhaps you dont know how rude you were. Your impression was boarderline to me, and now, your impression is bad to me. 

If you think that person is asking crap, you can always choose not to answer them. it is always better than pulling your face off, tarnishing your reputation in front of people ain't close to you. -.-

If you think that you're so great and that person is some sakai or some idiot, dont talk to them, they'll get the hell away from you automatically. 

Thanks for being so rude to me.
So that I realize that I dont need to talk to you anymore. 

Of all the things i done these days, so immoral, in fact, God still love me :3

Application for GP Posting settled in one go. 

you wont know how happy I am when other people kept getting shut by the door. 
you wont know how happy I am when other people tried at least 10 to 20 to 30 to 40 GP clinic and got shut by the door and i settled it by one go coz my mom's staff worked there.
you wont know how happy I am when I expected to face the same thing as them and the deadline is almost here. 

*jumping up and down* *screams*

:D

and, my friend actually wont mind me bothering them and borrowed me his pendrive to save the whole chunk of sem1 notes. (my old external hard disk spoilt :/ )

you wont know how happy I am. I was so worried these months in the system modules without my sem1 notes. feel so uncomfortable using the not-my-batch's-notes  

im a happy girl right now :D

There's so many times, i came to this page, trying to type out something in my mind. Sadly what happened was, i've got nothing in my mind to type here, to 'speak up' type out my thoughts. or i shall say, 3 weeks break (not-really-a-break break) made me lazy.

My mind somehow stop working like how it does. 

Is med school the reason of why my mind is so tired, OR it just got rusty? 

and just FYI, I can barely open my eyes as im typing these words. It's not that I've been sleeping too much these days, but I've been sleeping very late these days. I even sleep at 5am at some of the days and wake up at 12.30pm? My life now is so unhealthy. 

It is good that class resume tomorrow. But a new system, dayum, I havent even finish studying my GI and now im starting Endo. yes. No one to blame but myself, again. PROCRASTINATION! LAZY! Basically what i did in this break was eat, sleep, online (greys) except days in KKB. :/ 

and HA! i can stand this eye lids falling anymore. imma sleep like NOW. 

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Problem occurs when people start to think too much. They start creating problem, doing uneccessary things, create some stupid 'news' and they trouble everyone. I mean, people, can you just get back to your work? I know your life is boring, you need to spike your life up with some entertainment. BUT PLEASE! why must it by guessing what other people mean in their words and sentences? WHY? 

Okay, I know most of you are smart. Indeed smart, and i dont care if its street smart or book smart. I. DON'T. CARE! All it matter is DONT you ever come and interrupt my peaceful life. DONT you dare coming into my snow world and destroy my snowman and demolish my igloo. no, u're strictly NOT ALLOWED.

You see, you people are SO intelligent, that you think you can actually read other's mind. Well, you might guessed the right thing, but you'll never know how the person feel at that moment coz u're not them. Eventhough u been through all those shit, let me tell you, you're not going to feel the same as them. never. 

I know its FUN to guess coz its all about how good our imagination are, the proudness in us if we guessed it correctly that 'proves' how smart you are. but what imma say is STOP THE CHILDISH GUESSING GAME. it is immature and time wasting, so why not you people get back to your own work and stop bothering other people by having all these childish guessing game? FYI, it IS annoying. VERY annoying. 

thankyouverymuch.

and FYI, 
you might think im pissed or something
i'm not. 
it's just those capitals i used.
to emphasize how i feel.  

WELL!!!!

class started today and i felt like dying already. 

i mean, who'll be such a joker, where they rub their eyes because the lab was too boring that you look around the slides when you're only a quater awake? well, i was that joker. 

my contact lens was stucked somewhere under my eyelids and im a half-blind woman running outta the lab towards the end when my fav lecturer is talking infront. i dont wanna do thattt but i just cant concentrate when im half blinded. and DAYUM! i thought it'll get back to its place but no. it fell off. -.- and there it goes... luckily i was smart enought to bring my glasses. :D and yeah. people see the nerdy boar ^( O(oo)O)^

anyways, i love my group 6 :D 
babies are... active?? bonding well i'd say. sho happy.

Potatos/oppa are funny and imma keep my plan going weehee :D

when things doesnt go in your way,
you just hate it. we hate it. everybody hates it. 

when you realize things you wished that it will be the best, no longer going to be the best, the anger, the disappointment, the unwillingness to face the reality,  gushes up form your bones into your mind, you try to do everything you can to fix it. and after you wasted so much money on the phone calls, after the long hours of searching until the eyes are dry and pain, after so much energy wasted, you realize, there's nothing you can do about it but to face it. 

then reality forces you to face it. no matter how unwillingly you are, you have to face it. 

by looking how the others being so chill about it. you feel that your effort are useless. eventhough you get what you want, they wouldn't appreciate it. 

they think, ignorance is a bliss. you are such an inefficient biatch. that's all. nothing much to describe. wasting time.

when you try to give some thoughts out, they still ignore you. all they do is ignore, ignore and ignore at that time, and talk bad about you after some time, telling everyone 'mysteriously' and 'secretively' how inferior you are. 

you should feel even honoured if / whenever i talk to any of you. because i dont talk to anyone. the more important you are to me, the more i talk to you. not even giving my opinions. 

you see, the thing is i tried commiting myself with you people. and all you did was IGNORE. i know it's fun to ignore someone. but please bare in mind, i am now giving you 3 last chances. once 3 of them are used up, i'd say, sorry but you people are out of my world. 

i hate it when im finish talking, no one replied. i mean, it is still okay if no one replied. but some people just give you those faces 

• 'so what?' 
• 'wtf u're wasting my time' 
• 'wth i dont wanna listen to your crap' 
• 'no you're such an idiot'

this is not the worst. the worst thing is the ignorance plus back stabbing... not back stabbing exactly, but something like bad comments behind you? erm, you know what i mean right? yes you know. 

i mean seriously, if you dont want me to talk, just tell me and i'll stop. 

i just cant stand people unsatisfied with others and not telling them. i know you need a great courage to tell them. but isnt it always better to tell them in their face so that they realize their weakness. i know making fun behind them, bitching behind them is fun. but find it very inconsiderate and unfair. you want improvements in you, others do so. why dont you give a chance for others to improve themselves than spreading news around that others are inefficient, being so reluctant and unprofessional? 

humans. 
why must you make things in such a complex way?
why must you make your life so miserable?  

i.am.so.addicted.to.gangnam.style.right.now! :O

it is funny. 

i mean it is not the first time of me having an addiction 

the song stuck in my head for the whole day. perhaps it stays in the head for a few more days, even weeks. 

until one day, i get sick of it. 

and i hate it. 

then, one day after sometime, i come across the song, 

and im addcited again. 

and there goes the cycle. 

over and over again. 

:P

Eversince I entered IMU, i never dislike nor hate their staffs coz they haven't done anything that cross my line. 

But up to today, I'm feel a bit dislike the staffs. All these while the way they play with their fingers, wasting my time asking me to call to the different extensions whenever I seek for help, I complain to my friends, but i didnt dislike the staffs. Im just unsatifsied with their attitude. that's all. and the way they plan to cut down the orientation, i dont hate them, sometimes even, i find it reasonable. because we indeed ARE disturbing the residents of vista. I understand. 

I admit i exaggarate things all the time. But no, not this time. I'll just tell you what exactly happened. 

SO, about the venue booking, we did it a bazillion months ago (nah jk, it was only 3 months ago) then we finally went back to them for the venue confirmation. and this is what happened. we asked for chancellor, they said no, because there's a convo on the next day. then the day after i went and ask, what about audi. NO again, coz they're using audi as well. then i asked the other day. what if we end our event early and arrange the stuffs for them. then she said NO. its not a thing that we say arrange means arrange. and im like.. owh okay... o.O THEN, we asked for atrium. she said, its not booked should be ok. and finally, she said yes. 4 pairs of ears heard that.  and when we went and get the confirmation, she said NO. atrium is used to arrange those tables as well. 

yes. i.am.pissed. 

i dont hate her. i dont exactly dislike her. im pissed but im not pissed of her. it's hard to describe this feelings. its just that i want it to be good. 

people been asking me to chill. no. i cant and i wont. 

its the last night. do you want to cramp yourself in the damn LT like what? sardine in the tin? 

you all know. its the last night. the most people of all nights. well maybe the first day will be the most, last night will be the second most. but i want it to be good. i dont care if the other days suck or rock. i dont care. all i want is this event to end it nicely. that is all. 

i dont care if any of you say im stubborn. yes i am. 

and i dont care if any of you talked bad about me regarding my performance as the second secretary. inefficient, suck, i cant do things, I.DONT.CARE.

its a place full of back stabbings and stupid, illogical, ridiculous rumours. and i AM a very sensitive person. a hypersensitive ones. 

so, dont cross the line. 

the moment u see the smile on the majority's face. you know they aced it. 

and the dark cloud, the dark feeling, the fear, slowly seep into me. 

the thought of what if i cant go through this time? there's no one to blame but myself for being so slacked in the previous semester. now that the most important paper was done. the only thing now i can do is to hope for the best. 

i tried be optimistic. but no, that is actually a lie to myself. i know. no one could be more disappointed to myself than me. it wasnt that hard. but why the hell did i not trust my instinct? i really dont know what to do if i dont get through this.